The Fuck-o-meter Scale

I have something I call the fuck- o-meter scale. It is basically the measurement tool of the fucks I have to give. I apply it to seasons, situations, controversies, and my work. So, basically, it encompasses my whole life.

Every year, I start out with about 50 fuck- o- meters. It use to be a 100 or even 150 when I was a young twentysomething year old. Now, I am old and give many less fucks about most things. By the end of the year, my fuck-o-meters is usually around negative -20 or so until I can go on Christmas Break. Then, it goes back up as soon as the car is packed for our sun-filled holiday.

This year, I started my year at about a 25 range. It was hard to care about anything when the nation spent January debating inaugration crowd size despite photographic proof. In the summer, it went up due to travel and a temporary ban on news. In the fall, I made really bad decisions and overwhelmed myself by working two jobs, juggling family issues, exercising regularly, and trying to lose weight. I lost my mind by October so my fuck-o-meter couldn’t even stay still long enough to be measured. By November, my fuck-o-meters decided to be at -125 which was the lowest ever so quickly in the year since fuck-o-meters was created. My second job ended, and I started giving a fuck about things again. My scale went up to a whole -75. I am starting to pack for my holiday so I am almost hitting a 10! It’s almost like I am caring!

I have convinced my friends to use my fuck-o-meters scale. I have several teacher friends so I get texts like this one:

Grading papers-fuck-o-meters -60; wine +60

On a scale of 1 to a 100, my fuck-o-meters is -175. When is it Christmas? 

OMG! It’s snowing. My fuck-o-meters will go up by 25 points if we can get a snow day. 

If we could get an emoji for the fuck-o-meter, I believe my scale would go way up. Who am I kidding? It would go to probably a 40 which is still higher than it’s been for awhile.



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